Christian Jokes

1. Why did Noah have to punish the chickens? They were using fowl language.

2. Who was the smartest man in the Bible? Abraham — he knew a Lot.

3. Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean? It was a little fishy.

4. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? Ruth-less.

5. Why didn't they play cards on Noah’s Ark? Because Noah was standing on the deck.

6. What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights.

7. Why was the math book sad at church? It had too many problems.

8. What do you call praying in a tornado? A whirlwind of faith.

9. Why did Adam and Eve do math every day? They were told to be fruitful and multiply.

10. Why did Cain bring a pencil to church? To draw near to God.

11. Why couldn't Moses use the internet? There were too many tablets.

12. Why did Moses' mom put him in a basket? She didn’t want pharaoh-nother baby.

13. Why did Samson avoid making friends? They kept trying to pull his hair.

14. Who was the best comedian in the Bible? Samson — he brought the house down.

15. What did the Red Sea say to Moses? Nothing, it just waved.

16. Why did Pharaoh refuse to let the people go? He was in de-Nile.

17. Why did the Israelites wander for 40 years? Even back then, men refused to ask for directions.

18. What did Moses use to light his house? A burning bush.

19. Why was Joshua a great musician? He blew the trumpet of Jericho.

20. What did Ruth say to Boaz when she first met him? “Nice to meet you, Boaz… what a field you have!”

21. Why did David bring a slingshot to church? He heard the pastor talking about giants in our lives.

22. Why couldn’t Goliath get up in the morning? He was dead tired.

23. Why was Goliath so shocked? The thought had never entered his head before.

24. Why did David refuse to wear Saul’s armor? It wasn’t his style.

25. What do you call a small, funny Bible character? A prophet.

26. Why was the Bible cold? It had too many fans.

27. What did the disciples drive? A Honda—they were all in one Accord.

28. Why did Peter throw his nets on the other side? He wanted to try fishing “out of the box.”

29. Why did Jesus get good reception? Because He had the best prayer plan.

30. What phone does Moses use? A bush-mobile.

31. Why do angels never get lost? They always take the high road.

32. What kind of music do angels listen to? Harp tunes.

33. Why did the angel lose his job? He kept harping on others.

34. What game do angels play? Halo.

35. Why don’t angels use GPS? They always follow God’s direction.

36. What’s an angel’s favorite drink? Holy water on the rocks.

37. Why did the angel join the choir? He had perfect pitch.

38. Why do angels make good workers? They harp on the job.

39. Why don’t angels text? They prefer heavenly messages.

40. What type of cell service is in heaven? Angel LTE.

41. Why did the church have lights so bright? Because the pastor had a lot of Son-light.

42. Why was the computer cold at church? It left its Windows open.

43. Why did the pastor bring a ladder to church? To help people get closer to God.

44. What do you call eating in church? A holy snack-rament.

45. What’s a missionary’s favorite car? A convertible—for outreach.

46. Why did the choir quit? They couldn’t find harmony.

47. Why do churches never get locked? Because Jesus saves.

48. Why does the usher carry a pencil? In case he needs to draw someone to church.

49. Why did the pews always behave? They were very seated.

50. Why did the organist get in trouble? He had too many keys.

51. Why was the calendar nervous at church? It had too many dates.

52. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice.

53. What’s Jesus' favorite workout? Cross training.

54. Why did the banana go to church? It needed to find its appeal.

55. Why do Christians make good drivers? They know the road to salvation.

56. Why did the cow become a Christian? It wanted to be moo-ved by the Spirit.

57. Why don’t skeletons go to church? They don’t have the guts.

58. Why did the rooster skip service? He was too chicken to pray.

59. What did the sheep say to the pastor? “You’re my shepherd—I wool always follow.”

60. Why don’t bees get lost? They follow God's buzzness.

61. Why was the cookie sad at Sunday school? Because his mom was a wafer too long.

62. What did the paper say at Bible study? “I feel ream-arkable.”

63. Why did the orange go to church? It wanted to peel closer to God.

64. Why did the bicycle fall over on the way to church? It was two-tired.

65. Why did the lamp pray? It wanted to be a light to the world.

66. What’s God’s favorite vegetable? Lettuce praise Him.

67. Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing for church.

68. Why didn’t the bread go to church? It kneaded to stay home.

69. Why was the apple lonely? It couldn’t find the core group.

70. What do planets sing in church? Neptunes.

71. Why did the fisherman bring bread? To catch fishers of men.

72. Why did the lady bring a broom to service? She wanted to sweep away her sins.

73. Why is prayer like Wi-Fi? It’s invisible but connects you to what you need.

74. Why do Christians make good singers? They have good hymn-provisation.

75. Why did the bell ring? It had good resonance for worship.

76. Why was the church bulletin always calm? It had plenty of issues resolved.

77. Why did the pencil go to Bible study? To get its point across.

78. Why did the crayon pray? It wanted to draw closer to God.

79. What do you call a Bible character who just wants to sleep? Naphtali.

80. Why was the book of Job special? It had a lot of character building.

81. Why did the candle go to church? To get re-lit.

82. Why don't clouds attend church? They drift too much.

83. What do you call a church full of birds? The flock.

84. Why did the squirrel skip church? Too many nuts in the pews.

85. Why did the turtle read the Bible slowly? It liked to take things one shell at a time.

86. Why did the dog sit near the pastor? He wanted to be a good pup-il.

87. Why did the cat pray? For purr-severance.

88. Why did the fish join the choir? It wanted to tune its scales.

89. Why do birds make great worship leaders? They know how to lift up their voices.

90. Why did the flower worship? It wanted to bloom in the Spirit.

91. Why did the tree go to church? It wanted to branch out in faith.

92. Why did the leaf pray? It wanted to turn over a new one.

93. Why did the rock attend Sunday school? To become a little boulder in faith.

94. Why did the lawn mower pray? It needed a fresh cut from the Word.

95. What do you call a sleepy church? Snoozengers.

96. Why did the fruit go to Sunday school? It wanted to grow in the Spirit.

97. Why did the storm cloud repent? It had thundered too much.

98. Why did the baker pray? For daily bread.

99. Why do Christians love elevators? They lift your spirits.

100.. Why did the moon attend church? It needed to reflect the Son.

101. Why did the pastor bring a broom to church? He wanted to sweep everyone off their feet.

102. Why did the Bible study group bring sandwiches? They heard they were going to chew on the Word.

103. Why did the choir stop using GPS? It kept telling them to recalculate their harmony.

104. Why couldn’t Cain trust the ground? It always turned on him.

105. What did the angel say to the computer? Fear not — I bring you good updates.

106. Why do Christians make great bakers? They already know. How to give their dough to God.

107. Why did the missionary pack an extra shoe? For the other sole.

108. Why did the Bible teacher refuse to fish? She didn’t want to take verses out of context.

109. How do you put God first every morning? Set your alarm to rise and shine.

110. Why did the Sunday school crayons behave? They didn’t want to draw attention to themselves.

111. Why did the apostle bring earplugs? He didn’t want to hear Corinthian complaints.

112. Why did the pastor refuse to play hide-and-seek? Good shepherds don’t hide.

113. What did the communion cup say to the bread? We make a great pair — we’re blessed together.

114. Why did the pews get jealous? The choir got all the standing ovations.

115. Why did the pianist get promoted? She struck the right chord with everyone.

116. Why did the disciples always share snacks? They practiced fellowship.

117. Why did the Bible student carry a mirror? To reflect on the Word.

118. Why did the gardener read Proverbs? He wanted to plant wisdom.

119. Why do angels never get lost? They always follow the bright path.

120. Why did the prophet practice archery? To avoid missing the mark.

121. Why was the church bulletin nervous? It had too many announcements.

122. Why was the youth pastor good at dodgeball? He knew. How to let the Spirit lead.

123. Why did the offering plate blush? It couldn’t handle the change.

124. Why did David never play cards? He always had a slingshot up his sleeve.

125. Why do Christians love elevators? They lift spirits.

126. Why do saints never get tired? They’re always renewed.

127. Why did the missionary love stickers? He liked spreading the message around.

128. Why did Jesus choose fishermen instead of farmers? He wanted disciples who could net results.

129. Why did the choir director get frustrated? Someone kept changing the key to life.

130. Why do pastors avoid spicy food before preaching? They don’t want an accidental fiery sermon.

131. What did the Bible say to the notebook? You’re taking my words too seriously.

132. Why do Christians excel at puzzles? They love fitting the Word together.

133. Why did Moses refuse dessert? He didn’t want to break another plate.

134. Why was the church computer slow? Too many background prayers running.

135. Why did the worship singer carry throat spray? To avoid flat notes on mountaintops.

136. Why did the candle volunteer for church? It wanted to be a light in the sanctuary.

137. Why was the shepherd good at math? He counted sheep all day.

138. Why do Christians like good weather? Sunny days remind them of the Son.

139. Why did the usher bring binoculars? To keep an eye on the back row.

140. Why did the Bible app go to church? It needed an update to its faith.

141. Why did Paul always pack a snack? He knew he’d be writing letters for a while.

142. Why do Christians love maps? They like knowing where they’re going.

143. Why did the youth pastor put sprinkles on the donuts? To sweeten fellowship.

144. Why did the pastor put a clock in the pulpit? So he could preach timeless messages.

145. Why do missionaries make good gardeners? They plant seeds everywhere.

146. Why did the Bible quiz team study outdoors? They wanted to test their knowledge in the field.

147. Why did the disciple take a nap? He needed to rest in the Lord.

148. Why did the nativity animals behave so well? They knew they were in the presence of the Lamb.

149. Why did the pastor wear boots? In case the sermon got deep.

150. Why do angels make terrible comedians? Their timing is heavenly but not earthly.

151. Why did the missionary love rainy days? Perfect for showers of blessings.

152. Why do Christians make good detectives? They always seek the truth.

153. Why did the choir rehearse elevator songs? They wanted uplifting music.

154. Why did the man bring his pillow to church? He heard the sermon might be dreamy.

155. Why do Christians love flashlights? They’re always looking for a little light.

156. Why did Mary bring a blanket to the stable? She expected a warm reception.

157. Why did the disciple carry a shovel? He wanted to dig deeper.

158. Why do Christians prefer pencils? Grace offers second chances — erasers do too.

159. Why did the ark animals never argue? They didn’t want to rock the boat.

160. Why did the pastor wear sunglasses? The congregation’s future looked bright.

161. Why do Christians like elevators more than stairs? One lifts you up, the other tests endurance.

162. Why did the worship leader love keys? He always needed the right one.

163. Why did the prayer group bring umbrellas? They expected a downpour of blessings.

164. Why did the shepherd knit sweaters? To keep his flock warm.

165. Why was the Bible student always calm? She had peace that surpassed understanding.

166. Why did the pastor study astronomy? He wanted to preach on higher things.

167. Why did the communion bread join a band? It wanted to break into music.

168. Why do Christians love clear skies? They remind us we’re heaven-bound.

169. Why did the missionary learn carpentry? To build stronger foundations.

170. Why did the Bible app take a nap? Too many open tabs in Proverbs.

171. Why did the worship team carry jumper cables? They wanted to spark revival.

172. Why did the pastor keep a notebook? So his thoughts wouldn’t wander like sheep.

173. Why did the church carpet get replaced? Too many people walked all over it.

174. Why did the youth group bring flashlights? To illuminate the Word.

175. Why do Christians love sunrises? Because the Son rises.

176. Why did the prayer meeting run long? They had a lot to lift up.

177. Why did the missionary love coffee? It helped him stay grounded.

178. Why did the pastor practice juggling? Sermons, schedules, and members — oh my.

179. Why did the dove join the choir? It already had peaceful vocals.

180. Why do Christians enjoy gardens? God planted the first one.

181. Why did the wise men bring gold? They didn’t want to arrive empty-handed.

182. Why do Christians prefer passwords with crosses? They’re stronger.

183. Why did the communion table go to counseling? Too many things were placed on it.

184. Why do Christians love bridges? They remind us of the way across.

185. Why did the pastor stop playing chess? He was tired of being checked.

186. Why did the missionary avoid spicy food? He didn’t want to speak in tongues accidentally.

187. Why did the youth group plant trees? They wanted to grow in Christ.

188. Why did the shepherd avoid storms? He didn’t want to lose his flock in the fog.

189. Why did the prayer team bring tissues? Blessings were flowing.

190. Why did the Bible study group need a map? They were exploring unknown passages.

191. Why do Christians like road trips? They enjoy the straight and narrow.

192. Why did the offering plate get a raise? It collected a lot of change.

193. Why did the choir laugh during rehearsal? Someone hit a joyous note.

194. Why did the church doors squeak? They needed anointing oil.

195. Why did the usher carry a flashlight? To shine light into dark corners.

196. Why did the sermon run long? The pastor felt moved — and kept moving.

197. Why did the missionary wear sunglasses? He was walking in the light.

198. Why did the church ceiling get nervous? Too many high notes.

199. Why did the pastor bring a ruler? To measure spiritual growth.

200. Why did the Bible study group love cold nights? Perfect time to warm up with the Word.